Dear Sam
by Lisa Boon
Summary: Instead of talking to Sam's body at the end of 'All Hell breaks loose' Dean writes a letter to Sam.
1. Chapter 1

**(This is a two shot story taking place right after 'All Hell breaks loose part 1' after Sam dies. Instead of talking Dean writes Sam a letter. I do not own Supernatural it all belongs to Eric Kripke and the like. Thanks to Mandancie for Betaing this for me. Reviews are greatly appreciated.) **

Sammy,

It was not supposed to happen like this. Not like this. I was supposed to come and get you, and then we were going to ride out of there. Put that place in the rear view mirror as fast as we could. But that did not happen. Yeah, I came and got you, but I also distracted you and you died. God, I'm so sorry Sam. I'm going to fix this. Whatever it takes, I will fix this. I promise you that. That's what a big brother does. Fixes the mistakes of his pain in the ass little brother. Bobby said that I should think about doing something with your body, like burning it, but I can't. Jesus Sammy, I can't burn you or bury you. I can't. My whole life motto has been 'Keep Sam save no matter what.' I failed. I failed to look out for my younger brother. The one time you needed me to needed me there. The one time you needed that backup. I didn't find you soon enough. Dammit Sammy. Jesus Sam.

Remember that one night, when you were ten, and dad ended up in the hospital. You where freaking out wondering what was going to happen if he died. I told you, that was not going to happen, but you kept pushing it. I told you, if he did die, then I'd take care of you. Hell, I practically raised you since I was four. I watched you grow in to the head strong young man that would have shouting matches with dad because he wanted to go to college. I never told you that I was proud of you. But, I was so wrapped up in the fact that I thought you were leaving the family. Leaving me. Looking back, I realized, you were just wanting to experience something other than hunting. You told me that I never called you. I'll tell you what I told you the first time; it's a two way street dude. And well, I didn't need to. Did you ever wonder how I knew where you lived? What house you lived in? Well, if I was ever in the Palo Alto area, I would swing by and look in on you. I know I said dad did, and he would call me telling me that you seemed to be doing alright. But sometimes, I needed to make sure you were alright for myself. I was just looking out for my little brother.

While I'm thinking about it, you really should have put up some protection on that place. You didn't even have salt lines at the door or windows. I guess you didn't want Jess asking weird questions while you were on your quest to be normal.

Damn this is hard though. Every once in a while I'll look up at your…your…your body and think that maybe you're sleeping. Any minute, you'll wake up, and wonder why I'm sitting here at this table crying? Writing a stupid letter to you when you're not even dead.

There was a time, you must have been five or six, Dad left us at the hotel. You were board and bugging me, so I took some money, that dad left us, and I took you to the mall. We went to the arcade. We got maybe thirty tokens, and played just about every game that they had. We had over two hundred tickets. On the way out, somehow we got separated, and I couldn't find you. God, I thought someone had kidnapped you. I found you soon enough though. You were at the pet shop looking at all the puppies and kittens. You had one in each hand asking me if we could keep them. I told you that we didn't need a dog or a cat. Dad would throw a fit if he found out that we had bought one.

Remember the time you begged dad to let us go to the fair? That was fun. Until the clowns showed up. You ran and hid behind me, trembling, and after they left I asked you why you hide behind me. You looked at me with those puppy eyes of yours, and you told me that you knew I would never let anything bad happen to you.

Well I did let something happen to you…I let you get killed. Sam, I'm sorry. I don't think I can ever say those word often enough to you. I will get you back. Mark my words, I will get you back at whatever cost.

Dean.


	2. Chapter 2

**(AN: Ok, so hear is another letter from Dean to Sam. This is when Dean is four years old and Sam is just a month so spelling mistakes are made deliberately. I do not own **_**Supernatural. **_**Big thanks to Mandancie for looking this over. If anyone has ideas for a letter let me know.) **

Deer Sam,

You ar my new litle bruthr. Im Dean. Im your big bruthr. Im 4. You ar just a munth old. Mommy sed I ned to wach out for you. I be the bestest big bruthr to you.

Your bruthr,

Dean


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